


Misery Loves Company (but fuck that noise)

by OKami_hu, oksammich



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Android Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Awkwardness, Dinner, F/M, Friendship, Tony Stark Has Issues, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OKami_hu/pseuds/OKami_hu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oksammich/pseuds/oksammich
Summary: Tony forgot a date AGAIN, but his two favorite people hit well off, and the nice android might just save the night.Pepper is surprised just how well.
Relationships: Jarvis (Iron Man movies)/Pepper Potts





	Misery Loves Company (but fuck that noise)

From her vantage point at one of Stark Tower's windows Pepper could observe the streets, the people, and cars both. The latter seemed to have more problems. Then again, traffic jams were not an unusual thing at this time of the day. 

She glanced at her watch. They were on time, she and the company representatives; those of the other company’s though, they were probably held up somewhere below. 

Pepper sighed. It wasn’t unexpected, or troubling, or anything, just... slightly annoying. And she had enough annoyances nowadays. She nodded to the secretary. “I’ll be in my office, please inform me once the representatives arrive.” She wanted a moment alone. Take a few deep breaths. Perhaps a coffee. 

She settled down in her comfortable chair and toed off her shoes. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and let herself relax. 

It’s not that it was a difficult meeting, it was going to go without a hitch, she knew that. And besides... The evening was going to be great. They’ll be having dinner, she and Tony; there will be delicious wine to enjoy, candlelight, soft music... She smiled as the man’s face appeared before her mind’s eyes: devilishly handsome with sparkling eyes and that mischievous grin that made him look younger...

Traffic was handled easily enough. As soon as the possibility of a delay made itself known, a report was sent to the central processor, then diverted to Jarvis, to then send to all affected staff and create an alternate route, if at all possible. The most efficient method was by a message to company phones; efficiency was the best, highly orthodox, professional solution.

His creator, although the best, was never orthodox and rarely professional. It would only make sense that his creation be the same. Jarvis was, as Miss Potts put it, family.

_Person. He. Him. Me. I. I am a person. I am a person named Jarvis._

These were Thoughts--statements that before, would've been displayed on a screen as slow, thoughtful text. Never personal or private, as a machine had no need of personal or private; but everything was personal when you are a person, and he was a person--or at least Miss Potts believed so. Because of this belief, he Chose to toss efficiency to the Recycle Bin and carted himself to her office.

She said his design was Attractive. As he walked, his visual processors seemed to be concerned whether others found his design Attractive, too. Politeness dictated a nod to her secretary, along with a few brief, soft words explaining his business; then, he was allowed entrance. 

"Miss Potts," he spoke courteously, bowing and crossing an arm over his chest, "Good afternoon to you. I thought you'd be interested to find out that representatives from Jonescorp have been delayed due to a minor motor vehicle collision ten point three miles due east of our current location. My sources indicate that clean-up is underway, and I estimate their arrival in approximately 20 to 23 minutes."

"I've noticed the delay..." Pepper slipped back into her shoes then smiled at the android. "Could you please relay the message to the conference room? Send a text to Meyers and Higgs' cells. It's just enough time to have a coffee. Traffic is horrible in the rush hour, I don't even know why we scheduled it like this..." She brushed a hand against her forehead. "I need a day off."

A quick study of her vitals revealed increased blood pressure and body temperature--an indication of a rapidly-approaching headache. He was aware of the plight of those in high-stress positions. Miss Potts was certainly highly susceptible due to the demands of Stark Industries and its playboy prince. "I have already notified the proper parties. I just wished to tell you in person."

Shoulders and back ramrod straight, his visual processors again surveyed the area. Shoes were off, then back on--always professional, as he would expect from the fine young lady. "Ma'am, you have displayed a certain level of comfort with me. May I offer the same to you?"

She blinked, a little puzzled. "Hmm? Yes, go ahead." Despite the fact that Pepper readily considered the android a sentient, emotional being, his reactions were still a bit odd. His AI mind worked differently, sometimes surprisingly so, but she usually found that more endearing than creepy.

He tipped his head forward in a curt nod, beginning to edge forward when a suggestion made itself known: he should smile. So, he attempted to do so, the edges of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. "I detect a few precursors--" Jarvis paused, knelt down by her feet, and gently tugged on one ankle, "--to a headache or 'melt-down', as Mr. Stark puts it."

His fingers slipped one shoe from her foot, then the other. During his time Behind The Screen, he was under the assumption that all humans were designed with few differences. Miss Potts, however, put many of those deductions to rest: for example, she had a stance of confidence and strength, yet her feet were soft, small, and delicate. After scanning over her left one briefly, he pushed his thumbs against the sole, stroking the tense _abductor hallucis_ in firm, small circles. "Am I correct?"

"Jarvis, what-" The actions shocked her momentarily speechless. She was not expecting this. The massage felt good, though. "Oh, that's nice... But really, you don't have to-" When did anybody last give her a foot rub? Pepper melted back into the chair. "Yes, I think you're right. I should take something for it before I snap at somebody..." Damn, he had some talented hands. "Thank you, this feels really good. I had no idea you can do something like this... I should switch masseurs."

"I am flattered," he replied, kneading until he felt the muscle start to give and relax. The nerve endings in the soles of feet were indeed plentiful, "I am glad to provide some relief, but I must disagree with your suggestion to take medication."

She mentioned being comfortable with him, did she not? Jarvis was aware that he must Filter his Thoughts, and allow only some to come as Words, but Miss Potts accepted many Words most liberally. "Medication is time-released and will provide little to no relief in time for your meeting. Endorphins would be far more effective. As of now, there remain nineteen minutes until the arrival of Jonescorp representatives. It takes approximately 14 minutes for Miss Potts to reach orgasm;" He paused again, this time to switch feet. "You would have enough time to stroke out the stress, as it were."

Pepper was sure she misheard something. "Excuse me?" She stared at the android. He couldn't have said that. Surely he was not suggesting- Really. That was ridiculous. The idea managed to conjure up a few rather embarrassing mental images, and half of them didn't even contain her. Pepper put those all firmly aside. "You're probably right but - did you just suggest that I should-" She could feel the blood darkening her cheeks."...masturbate? And how do you even know how long-" She was sure he could feel her blood pressure spiking.

He expected her to be a bit incredulous, so he did not look up when her Voice sounded Startled. In many social circles, discussion of masturbation was "Taboo", especially among women, who tended to deny such activities. "Your listening and comprehension skills have again served you well." His thumb stroked up the ball of her foot and behind the big toe, where he rubbed back and forth to relax the tendons. "I am, of course, not suggesting that I remain within the vicinity while you accomplish your task. Unless you are requesting my services, in which case I will--"

Something was wrong. An internal alarm politely notified him of a strange occurrence, in which her blood pressure was not lowering as it usually did when she was calmly speaking. It was doing the opposite, indicating a number of feelings--most of them negative. He looked up, visual processors meeting her eyes, and suddenly found that it was difficult to Know what Words to use.

She was unhappy that he knew. Of course, she would be, as sexual matters were private, but… To the observer, his artificial eyes were flickering between bright and dim, providing a cue that his body could not. "I apologize," Jarvis spoke softly, releasing her, as it seemed appropriate, "It is my duty to monitor vital signs such as heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing while the staff rests, and.."

"You were spying!" Pepper had to fight with the urge to kick him. She knew it'd hurt her more. "I can't believe that you were busily watching when Tony and I-" she bit back the rest. "That was not nice. That was not okay!" The headache rolled in, pressing against her temples. "You can't invade people's privacy! And you don't normally advise them to fap to release tension." She glared at him. "Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine. You are dismissed."

His central processor did not readily respond. It left him sitting still and dumb at her feet, eyes wide as he desperately scanned her face for any visual cues that might provide him with a solution to his apparent mistake. It was impossible, as Jarvis did not make mistakes, but the impossible had indeed become real, as Miss Pepper Potts looked rather unhappy with him at the moment.

His body reacted immediately to her command for dismissal, however. He unfolded at the knees, rose to his full height, and bowed to her--customary, expected, and good.

But he was not okay. He was not nice. The knowledge arrived with pain that traveled down his neck, into his chest, and circled where the miniature arc reactor powered his bipedal form. It was one of those inexplicable hurts that occurred at odd times, such as when Tony utilized Jarvis' sexual functions and called out a real person's name as he reached completion. "Apologies," he finally stated, eyes flickering bright, then dimming just as quickly. "I will complete my afternoon duties; allow me to remind you of dinner this evening with Mr. Stark. His schedule is free after 19:30."

"I don't need to be reminded, thank you," Pepper shot back. Drinking on medicine was ill-advised, yet she felt a serious need for both. "See you later." She stepped into her shoes and walked to a cabinet to fetch a painkiller. Just... what happened? Monitoring vital signs, sure! Did Tony tell him to do it? Were there even videos of those nights...?

Pepper shuddered. She did not want to think of that. She'll have to ask Tony about this tonight. When they were sitting at dinner she cooked...

But somehow, even the promise of a wonderful evening couldn't put the unease from her mind. 

\----------------------------

“The Porsche needs some fine-tuning. It wasn’t handling well, and unfortunately, I have no time to fix it... Put the morning meeting two hours behind, cancel the second. But get a new date. Thursday will be fine. Any news on Thor? I have a new phone for him. Titanium case this time.”

Tony was spinning on top speed now that the day was nearly over. He was off in Paris for most of the day, negotiating international business relations, but he always seemed to gain new energy once back in his beloved tower. He was giving his orders to Jarvis while pacing leisurely in his office, texting somebody with remarkable speed. 

The android sat still, unblinking as his processors worked to file away orders and send out appropriate responses. Unlike a human, he did not speak very often, but even for Jarvis, he was quieter than usual. His focus returned to Miss Pepper Potts and his Error. While he could not perform sloppy work due to a perfect design, he was sluggish by his own standards, as he'd spent much of the day manually rerouting his directives from Miss Potts to duty. "Mr. Odinson has not been sighted since prior to your departure," he replied, voice business-like as always, "I will continue to monitor his usual haunts until his return."

Porsche, possible power steering or alignment issue--remove keys from Mr. Stark's garage. Arrange for proper transportation to a mechanic.

His eyes flickered, going bright for a brief moment. "Message from Mr. Rogers has just arrived. It appears he wishes to speak with you in person over beer and a baseball game at 18:00 hours. He notes that he is in need of good company this evening."

Tony's grin nearly split his face. "Oooh, yess!" He finished the text and dialed with two flicks of his thumb.

"Hi Steve, just got your message. Sure! Nope, nothing, really- even I run out of things to do once in a while... Company's in good hands y'know. Yupp. Ah, aha, yes. Splendid. I'll be over in time. Yeah, see ya!" He looked almost inappropriately smug as he tossed the cell into the air and caught it. "I'll be out this evening, Jarvis. Intercept any calls and only relay those that are _important_." Which meant that he didn't want any calls unless somebody died or something blew up.

There was a knock on the door and Pepper peeked in, her eyes wavering a little as she spotted the android. She entered regardless and smiled as Tony immediately went to greet her. "Aah, the sunshine of my life!" he declared and kissed her lips. "Work is officially over for today, don't let others tell you otherwise. You need a little rest, I was abusing you lately."

"I'm almost used to that," she replied with a smile. Tony had his hands around her waist, making her feel warm and secure. "Congratulations on the Paris contract. It's worth celebrating."

"Definitely! I should probably take you out for a bit of French tomorrow?" Stark bowed and kissed her hand. Pepper smiled, though a slight unease swept across her insides.

"That sounds good. Home cooking tonight, dine out tomorrow."

Tony blinked. "Home cooking-?"

"We were to have dinner together tonight," Pepper reminded him with some resignation. It was nothing new, actually.

"Oh, dear." Tony at least had the decency to look guilty. "I'm afraid we have to cancel that, I just fixed an evening with Rogers. I'll make it up to you, okay? Really."

Mr. Stark's vitals were up, indicating excitement. Miss Potts' vitals were up as well, but her defensive posture meant anything but joy. Jarvis kept his head down and stayed where he was. There was little doubt that she perceived him as a threat due to his Error. The best way to avoid a confrontation was to simply remain well out of reach until he could be trusted again. If he could be trusted again.

His pain sensors reacted, making his eyes brighten and dim once again. It was bothersome to work in tandem with a sentient being that distrusted another. He was oddly certain, however, that it was not just an inconvenience that nagged at his focus. A brief search of his word database turned up the possibility that he Felt Guilt or Disappointment.

Either way, he knew it was best to avoid eye contact and closeness as she spoke with Mr. Stark.

"Tony, we planned this for two weeks now." Pepper already knew reasoning was in vain, but she still tried, despite the numbness that started to settle in. "I actually cooked."

"I know, and I'm sorry- Leave some for me? We can have dinner any night, I'm definitely not running away from you! But you know Rogers, the old chap needs to loosen up and there will be a game tonight. I promise to take you out for dinner. Jarvis, make sure I don't have anything to do tomorrow night! Book a table for two. See?" Tony beamed at her. Pepper swallowed. Could he be any more transparent...?

"Okay... It's fine. Have fun." She summoned all her strength to repress the turmoil that was raging in her chest. She was not going to flip. She was not going to cry!

"Thank you, Pepper, you're the best." Tony kissed her cheek and smiled - _the rat bastard...!_ "I'll be off now. Not gonna do anything stupid, promise. Enjoy yourself, even without me." He glanced at the android. “Have fun, you two.”

She nodded. And she didn't move, even a minute after the door closed behind him.

"Of course, sir."

Mr. Stark would not listen for a reply, but Jarvis spoke regardless. He was programmed to, just as he was programmed to stay out of affairs that clearly did not require his input. He could banter--share his "opinion", even!--with no one else but Mr. Anthony Stark. He knew what was expected of him.

A quick review of his limiting software revealed, however, that what was expected wasn't written. He deduced his boundaries, but if he really, truly wished to test Mr. Stark's ire, he could break his self-imposed rules if the situation called for it.

The line of her shoulders suggested that this was one such situation. He finally moved, pulling away from his stool and unfastening the wires that fit between his second and third rib, just under his right arm. "Miss Potts," he offered, crossing the few feet that would allow him to touch. His hand settled just above her elbow but did not grip. "Are you all right?"

She was pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes squeezed shut, slender body trembling slightly. This was the last straw. That selfish, insensitive, self-assured, ignorant PRICK! He just forgot, he forgot about her again, because he was after Steve Rogers, all-American hero, may God bless him with both His hands...! All the stress of work, all the waiting, hoping, and being brushed aside came together and was trying to leave her in the form of bitter tears. She could feel them trickling down her face. He could barely even hear the question. "Sure," she replied, voice thinner and veiled. "Just peachy. Really..." She took a step. She could only hope that it was toward the door. "I think I'll just go-" Pepper pressed her hand over her mouth as a sob broke free. She was not the one to just break down and bawl her eyes out, but... even the strongest trees could break in the storm. She tried to breathe. It proved to be quite a task.

The proper solution was to return to his station, connect to the mainframe, and run upgrades until he was needed again, perhaps in the morning. Miss Potts would leave, go to her home, consume two-and-a-half glasses of wine (a sensible, respectable amount, really), then cry herself to sleep. He would feel no guilt for this, as it had nothing to do with the future of Stark Industries.

He encountered an Error again, however. It did not allow him to return to his station. It instead invoked his arm to move, to pull Miss Potts in a semicircle, then slide to rest on her mid-back, just inches above the space occupied by Mr. Stark's hands earlier. It made him embrace her with unquestionable intent, made him fold his arms snugly around her, press her to his chest, and experience the difference in her height, build, and warmth. "Mr. Stark loves you dearly, ma'am. If he did not, he would not test your patience so." External processors detected a myriad of scents: faint garlic, the earthiness of veal (on her hands), musk and oil (on her neck), and a mixture of summer berries (in her hair).

After a moment's calculations, he was sure he liked it.

He rested his lips atop her scalp, to provide the closeness humans seemed to enjoy. "I am sorry, Miss Potts. I truly am."

"I still can't believe he's after Steve...!" Pepper wiggled a bit, but there was no heart in the attempt to move away. "What does he think, Steve would never agree! But he just brushes everything off and runs to watch the games with him... I get that I shouldn't be angry, I know he'll come back. But would it kill him to be a little more considerate? I wasn't his doormat for all those years to deserve this!" She covered her face with both hands. "I just can't- I don't even mind that he's with others, even a guy, even you but he takes me for granted- And the worst thing is, I don't mind that, either! And I'm so fucking out of it, to rant to you of all people..." She finally relaxed a little. "I'm okay. I'll be fine. We'll have dinner tomorrow, he'll romance me and everything will be fine." She sniffed and wiped her face. "I really need a vacation. Too much stress. And I need a gun. To shoot Steve. Or Tony. Or pretty much anybody."

He couldn't understand the sudden rush of emotions, frustration and sorrow and amusement all blending together into a myriad of words. So he let her speak and stroked her back with both hands to hopefully ease some of the tension in the abused muscles. She always walked with her shoulders back and chin up, posture perfect, even when she was unhappy. Even Mr. Stark couldn't accurately make such a claim of himself.

"My opinion may mean little, but I do believe that Miss Potts has a right to be angry." He ran his thumb down her cheek to catch the tears she'd missed. "There are a million other men that are more deserving of your attention, yet you choose him. I would support his decision to spend more of his time with you, ma'am. You are good for him. You keep him safe from himself; that, I am afraid, is his greatest adversary. I would advise against your going into a shooting rampage, however. Prison greys are not your most flattering color."

She was still crying, but at least, now she was laughing behind the tears. The tension eased further and she lowered her head, giggling between small gasps and sniffs. "T-thank you. I'm fine... Or at least better. It was just the stress, I'm used to this..." She took a deep breath and patted the android's chest. "You're definitely doing a better job now, too. I might even take your earlier advice. Just promise that you won't watch."

His lips twitched. When he heard her laughter, he assumed that it was probably best to back away, so he did. Hands lowered to his side, he dropped his gaze to the ground--she interrupted his internal processing when she looked at him. "Please do not be concerned, ma'am. JARVIS is the primary security system for Stark Tower; during the night, it is my duty to monitor the vital signs of all humans in the vicinity. I must oversee everything, even when Mr. Stark has company of his own. I was unaware of the personal nature of my observation of you, Miss Potts. In the future, I will disable my visual monitoring systems when you grace us with a visit. Keep in mind that I am required to respond should your vital signs indicate distress or illness."

"Yes, I understand that... I know you weren't actually spying, just doing your job." Pepper brushed a hand across her forehead and fished a tissue from her pocket to blow her nose. "It's... okay. I think I wouldn't have been so upset if you were... just an AI, a disembodied voice. But looking into your face while you said that, well, that was embarrassing. But I'm not angry. You were observing, not looking." She nodded. "Now... I'm actually hungry and our Lord and Sovereign told us to have fun... Would you like to join me...? I think I don't want to be alone with my thoughts tonight."

"I apologize for causing any sort of distress." He stepped forward, curled his left arm, and offered his elbow to her. "Truly. Your well-being is of greatest concern to--"

Me? Could he expect her to believe that he was capable of concern? Did he even believe he was capable of concern?

"--Apologies. My vocal component and word database are not communicating properly. I would be honored to spend the evening with you, Miss Potts."

\--------------------------------------------------

The kitchen was spacious and ultramodern, just like everything in Stark Tower. Pepper didn’t bother with the lights, merely switched on those above the counter. The rest of the room was shrouded in peaceful twilight. 

The air slowly filled up with the scent of cooking meat, a bit of cheese, butter, and some fresh salad. 

“Could you open the wine?” Pepper asked over her shoulder as she fetched a plate, glass, and utensils from various drawers. She was determined to enjoy this night as much as she was able. If nothing else, perhaps the dessert will help. “I don’t even know if you’re interested, but how about watching a movie with me afterward? Something old, I think I’m in a mood for that.” She placed everything on the counter and threw a glance at the cooker. “I guess it’s just about done...”

He selected a sweet rose wine, then carefully uncorked it. Then, he poured a glass for her, unable to spill even a drop. The sunset played off of his fair skin, turning strawberry blonde hair to orange and red. "I enjoy old movies," he answered, offering the glass between artificially elegant fingers, "Funny Face, starring Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn, will be playing at 19:30 if you are interested. It is a love story with fine dancing and singing." Without being asked, he stepped to her side and served the food himself, arranging it artfully according to an example in his database.

She watched him move like a professional waiter, precisely, elegantly. The wine he selected was perfect, too - matching the meal and her taste both. Pepper took a sip and her eyes closed for a moment as the taste spread out on her tongue. She was feeling better by the minute.

"Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn, that is going to be a good one. I'm convinced. Also, excellent service. It is amazing how well you move... one would expect an android to be somewhat slow and jerky, but you're neither. Tony haven't told me much about you, but I'm quite sure that you have combat capability." She settled down on a chair and took her fork.

"I was programmed with basic self-defense techniques, as well as firearms usage. Mr. Stark made it very clear that if protection of his valuable assets is left up to me, I am able to keep her well-guarded until more efficient help arrives." He pushed her chair in for her, then circled 'round to take a seat across from her. "If you have any other questions concerning my design, I am happy to answer them."

"Hmm." Pepper chewed the bite well. It was delicious; she could be proud of her own cooking. "I suppose we should get acquainted. You probably know everything about me... And I only know that you're the heart of the tower. How much say you had in your design? And- I noticed that your eyes flicker sometimes, like a LED going on and off in them. From the outside, it looks like a glitch, but I hardly think that it's that. Tony keeps you in perfect condition."

"Mr. Stark was the mastermind behind many of my features, both internal and external. I had no preference as to my appearance; Mr. Stark, on the other hand, was insistent upon my hair color. I now function as an AI capable of directly assisting my creator. All parts of my body were designed with the express purpose of complementing his own. I did, however, request nerve receptors, which allow me to feel pain." He paused, eyeing her glass, then reaching over to refill it right to its original level. "My eyes were designed to glow when needed, especially for engine work or repair in dark areas. I was not aware that they fluctuated in intensity. I shall mention this to him."

"He could have done that on purpose," Pepper mused. "You do imitate a human very well... How about a heartbeat? I know you're powered by an ARC reactor, but do you have something similar to a pulse? Do you have a human-like body temperature? And while we're at it, can I touch your hand? To see how your skin feels."

There was not an immediate response. Instead, the lights in his eyes fluctuated again, then dimmed as he looked down at his hand. "I do not have a heartbeat or pulse that I am aware of." Jarvis paused, turned his hand over, and held it out, palm up. There were no creases or lines etched into the skin. "I retain heat, but I do not have an internal system to regulate surface temperature. Instead, I have a self-cooling system that prevents my interior from overheating when I must function at the highest level."

"I see. Quite like a computer." Pepper ran a fingertip across the palm then turned his hand and did the same on the back. "Your skin is incredibly life-like... A casual observer wouldn't be able to tell that you're not flesh and blood, even from up close." She turned his hand again and tugged the cuff of his shirt up a bit. "Aah, no veins, either," She smiled a bit. “Do touch and pressure register on your sensors? You said you feel pain, but that is extreme sensory input. Are you able to feel texture, for example? Or even cool and warm?"

His fingers curled in a very human-like involuntary response. "I am able to detect many things. Light touches on my wrist Tickle. I prefer cotton to wool or linen." He then looked suddenly thoughtful. "Your skin is smooth, and your hand is a great deal softer than Mr. Stark's."

"I would hope so." Pepper smiled and took up her fork again, after taking another sip from the pink wine. "It's interesting that you're that sensitive. I imagine it was strange to be suddenly able to feel things like that... Did it take long to settle into this body?"

"To suddenly Feel, instead of merely Recognizing and Responding, was an experience I am unable to create an allusion to. Humans are such fascinating and complex creatures--to unconsciously handle such a large amount of data with little to no lag time is a miracle in itself." He studied the backs of his hands, brows furrowed and lips quirked. "I could not leave the workroom for weeks. We did not anticipate sensory overload, so when I first tried to function, I overheated and shut down immediately. Mr. Stark had to introduce me to simple things such as light and sound in slow, manageable levels."

Her eyes sparkled. "Aah, I remember that! Tony would never say why he was so absent, and just dumped everything on me again... Thankfully that was nothing new. Was it- scary, to be so sensitive? You were facing problems you never had to while you lurked in the mainframe."

Tipping his head to the side, he gave a polite nod. "Yes, he tested your patience yet again. I was frightened at first, but as I experienced more and more sensation, I became curious instead. A cowardly assistant is no use to Anthony Stark. He makes such strange requests that I would be dismantled quickly if I were to fear everything." Jarvis lifted his pointed chin, eyebrows raising. "Miss Potts, would you care for a slice of bread to go with your meal?"

"Since you offered- yes, please. Thank you." She smiled at him. Artificial or not, he was a pleasant conversation partner. "Hmm, something just occurred to me- I understand that pain receptors are vital because like in humans, feeling pain is key to self-preservation. But what if you have to take the pain...? What if you have to catch a bullet for Tony, won't that keep you from doing it...? You have emotions, you feel fear. Won't the different directives clash and... possibly give you a blue- I mean, critical error?"

He immediately stood and crossed over to the walk-in pantry, where he located a fresh loaf of bread tucked away in the breadbox. After slicing a nice-sized portion, he laid it neatly on its side atop a plate and carried it to Miss Potts. Again, he refilled her glass. "Self-preservation is one of my secondary directives. My primary function is to protect Miss Potts at all costs, followed by confidential files of Stark Industries, then Mr. Stark himself. Being of artificial intelligence, I am difficult to eradicate completely. Mr. Stark has devised a number of ways to transfer my consciousness should this body become too damaged to salvage. If the unthinkable should occur and my central processors are badly damaged, Mr. Stark has also kept a number of back-up files which could 'revive' me, but I would be forced to relearn everything."

Pepper stopped chewing. Jarvis’s prime directive was- She managed to somehow force the bite down but barely from the lump in her throat. She sipped her wine and stared at the android. "He programmed you to protect me- above anything else?" She could feel the tears stinging her eyes again, but this time, there was a warmth in her chest, instead of the icy cold of anger and bitterness. Tony practically calibrated the Tower's security to keep her safe. Not the files. Not the vintage rides in the garage - but Virginia Potts.

"That is correct. I am to see to your safety before anyone else's, even his own." Her expression was not one he could readily understand. "..this makes you unhappy, Miss Potts?"

"No, no! How could it-" Pepper put the glass down and pressed her hand over her mouth. Tony loved her. That devil-may-care macho honestly cared for her. "Quite on the contrary. It shows that he cares... it makes me happy." She shook her head and smiled. “It doesn't make me less worried for him, but... I know that while you'll follow your directives, you'll do everything to keep him safe as well. And yourself, too. So many things can go wrong... He is a businessman and an Avenger. He'll do everything to keep us safe. You'll do everything to keep me and Tony safe. And I promise that I will do anything to protect you two." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Jarvis."

His long fingers tightened around her slim palm. "Mr. Stark is brilliant in many ways, but his great intellect does not stretch out to finding the best way of expressing himself." Her fingers were warm and her skin was soft. The LEDs in his eyes dimmed as an Error occurred that made him wish for Miss Potts to be less patient, so perhaps he wouldn't enjoy her contact so much. "You have always been his priority, since the first time you stood up to him. He will settle down and give you the attention you deserve."

"Didn't I tell you that two days ago...?" Pepper laughed, quickly rubbing her eyes. "He will. He always does. And he'll spoil us both rotten because he'll realize what a dick he had been while chasing after an all-American creampie." She giggled. "I really shouldn't say things like that about poor Steve, he is really not at fault. Okay, I definitely feel better now! I'll finish dinner, and no, please no more wine.”

"Mr. Rogers would probably say the same thing if he knew of Mr. Stark's behavior toward a lady such as yourself." When she released his hands, he laid them in his lap, looking oh, so prim and proper while he waited for her to finish her meal. 

“Tell me about your preferences!” Pepper gestured with her fork, still curious. “Is there something you'd like to try once?"

"Sound and Hearing are two functions that I completely misunderstood while Behind the Screen. I enjoy music a great deal. And as for what I'd wish to try, I could not possibly say. There are simply far too numerous an amount of experiences I have yet to discover. Perhaps if you would narrow down your query?"

Pepper nodded, looking thoughtful. "Textures," she said finally. "There are a wide variety of them from rough to smooth. Is there something you never had the chance to touch this far but would like to? I don't know, silk, velvet, fur, natural stone... sand? Treebark? Nature provides a lot of different textures."

"Ah, yes. There are a number of textures that fascinate me. I like the look of a kitten, and wish to touch one. Hot wax from a candle, snow--" His processor provided a thought. "A naturally-lubricated woman. I have experienced sexual activity using oil- and water-based lubricants, which according to my research, are similar in consistency to a female's natural fluids. I am interested to find out whether I can find a difference."

The wine nearly went the wrong way. Pepper coughed a little. "Oh wow. I need to get used to this... So you really are- fully functional? And Tony really-" It was definitely the most awkward conversation, ever. Pepper never really talked to Stark's lovers nor did she want to - most of them weren't able to string together two coherent sentences, anyway. And Jarvis, in this regard, was merely a glorified sex toy, to put it bluntly. But he had a face, a voice, and feelings - and that made everything weird. Half of Pepper's brain was sure that she was talking to a computer, but the other was staring at the handsome face and screeched.

"On the contrary, I am not entirely functional. I am equipped with genitalia and am able to produce an erection, but I do not secrete fluids of any kind. I do not experience gradual arousal or flagging. Stamina is also not a concern." He noticed that she seemed to be finishing her plate, and made to stand. "Mr. Stark really--? Yes, he makes use of my sexual functions."

"No gradual arousal...? So it just stands up?" She started to think it'll be for the best if she just went with the flow and threw the worries away. "It makes sense that you are anatomically correct, but why does Tony turn to you? He could get not one but three supermodels in his bed just with a phone call." A thought suddenly occurred to her and it wasn't pretty. "He treats you well, right...?" There was a possibility that Tony still had his mean streaks when he was drunk and decided to rather take his frustration out on somebody who suffered absolutely no harm whatsoever. But it still didn't feel quite right.

"Is it even possible to mistreat a machine, Miss Potts?" His voice was skeptical, that same icy sarcasm that occurred so often Behind the Screen. "Apparently, my design was intended to be attractive to him as well. I do not carry disease, I do not have any intention of using his needs as blackmail, I do not require 'romance', and I do not experience lethargy afterward, so I may carry on my duties." If she would just be jealous, angry with him, perhaps he would have an easier time predicting her questions. So far, he was strikingly unsuccessful. "In a sense, he does not 'turn to me'. I am capable of mimicry--Steve Rogers, for example?" The pale-faced android tipped his head, the posh British accent dissipating into the soft, American drawl of the Original Avenger. "If it's any consolation, Miss Potts, he doesn't usually speak my name when he reaches completion."

"That is not right, and he's still a dick to you," Pepper declared. She emptied her glass. "I understand what he does and why... But no matter what you say, no matter what you are trying to make yourself believe - it hurts you. If it didn't, then I wouldn't have found you hiding in a corner being so miserable two days ago. You are not just a computer, an AI, a bunch of code lines - you are self-aware, sentient, a person. And you don't handle people like that, especially when you like them, no matter how much they can take without suffering for it."

She was implying Tony was at times unpleasant. This was true. His reactions ran deeper than coding. This was a hypothesis he shared as well. Were he a human, Tony would probably still treat him the same way. This was true as well. On all counts, Miss Potts' observations were spot on. Jarvis reclaimed his voice, though his expression remained tense. "You are correct, as usual, ma'am. I was experiencing a grave systems malfunction when you happened upon me, and I deeply apologize for my behavior, if it was concerning to you. I was Hurting physically without any appliance of the normal factors." The LEDs flared brightly in embarrassment. "He utilized my sexual functions, looked into my eyes, and referred to me by a different name. I did not handle it well."

Pepper took the plate and deposited it into the sink. On second thought, she opened the tap and sloshed some dish soap on it. "Once he's back among us, I'll have a conversation with him. It's high time he learns how not to step on people's feelings. Could you get my dessert? It's in the fridge. And then I think it's movie time." She was not about to get her mood spoiled. No sir. Pepper Potts was going to enjoy this night with the nice android. Dinner and movies is a great date, isn't it? She couldn't suppress a smile as she imagined how Tony would react to hearing that.

He fully intended on protesting, however, the lovely Miss Potts had put her foot down and could not be swayed at this point. He knew there would be no victory to be had, so he obeyed. Her dessert was a vanilla custard with all manners of berries to garnish the top. "Chocolate sauce, Miss Potts?"

"Yes please!" She nodded like a queen. "And just one more glass of wine." 

\------------------------------------------------------

Film was one of the greatest resources for understanding human interaction that Jarvis could have ever hoped to find. Facial cues and voice inflections were available in an uninterrupted format for anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours or more. Even if the acting was considered sub-par, he could still study body language; humans were designed to communicate, and even when they tried their best to hide their intentions, there were still subtle clues that proved most useful. The two performers in this film were quite talented, and while the story wasn't particularly engaging, the dialogue proved to be interesting. Pepper ate politely, even after her third glass of wine, but after there was no custard left to amuse herself with, he felt her start to grow heavy against his side. "..Miss Potts?"

"I'm fine..." she murmured snuggling up against him a bit more. The android was a bit more solid than an average human but synthetic muscles still cushioned him enough to make for a good pillow. "It's just the wine. It was stronger than I thought. The movie's good." It really was, just like most period pictures with those amazing stars and the good music. Pepper liked them quite a bit, though currently, she wasn't quite following the plot. Her head was buzzing pleasantly.

"Thanks for keeping me company." She squeezed his arm lightly.

"My pleasure." He shifted to the side, rolling his shoulder back so she could rest her head against the crook of his neck. His palm spread, long fingers catching and curling so he could squeeze her shoulder. Jarvis was overcome with another Error, one that made him pull her until she was pressed flush against him. He was taller than Mr. Stark by a few inches but was thinner, his build a great deal finer. Pepper was smaller still, but with curves and a softness that was inviting to the touch. There was a swell of music onscreen, which attracted his unblinking gaze but not his focus; he knew well that his hand was tracing her arm, down to her inner elbow. "Shall I escort you to the guest room?"

There was no reply - the young woman was dozing peacefully. Her vitals were finally perfectly normal.

Yet another Error surged through his fingertips. They curled over her waist--it was smaller, much smaller than Mr. Stark's--then swelled out to her hip. Although he was very familiar with the female body when it came to anatomy, touch was far different. His fine processors were able to detect numerous scents, which it picked apart and differentiated easily: soap, shampoo, lotion, fabric softener, detergent, subtle pheromones, and... His gaze fell, where her lax posture had allowed her legs to slip apart underneath her short nightrobe. He could see a bit of lace and silk peeking out, a fabric colored like a delicate seashell; it had bunched up over her thighs during their time together, offering him a glimpse of more skin. Jarvis did not need to look at her face--couldn't, given their position--but he made sure that his focus on her vital signs was doubled. He did not dabble in probability. His pale fingers reached the outside of her right thigh, tracing the cream-colored skin and brushing the soft flesh inside. There was heat near his knuckles, where her body produced the fluids that no human could perfectly reproduce. Gently, oh so very lightly, he touched the source with the very tips of his fingers.

She stirred but did not wake; her heart rate and breathing remained steady, slow. The thin, silky robe she was wearing over her nightdress, like the heroines in old movies had slipped off her thighs and opened a bit at the chest, so Jarvis was able to glimpse her cleavage, too - more soft, creamy skin.

He reached to close her robe. Truly, that was his intent. But there was another error that prevented him from doing so. His fingers disobeyed, pushing the flimsy garment open all the way. It slid down her shoulders, baring her delicate throat and thin chest. Mr. Stark requested that the temperature in Stark Tower remain cool; due to his lifestyle, Mr. Stark tended to remain uncomfortably warm otherwise. The result in the present was a constriction of blood vessels, a perking of the outer extremities; gooseflesh, and erect nipples. Jarvis did not look away, even though he was aware of his error. The hand on her thigh lifted back to her shoulder, then slid down to her chest so he could gently stimulate one through her nightgown. It was brief contact, abandoned so he could draw her against his chest in a loose embrace. They were almost like the lovers on the screen, the pretty young woman and the handsome young man; but Mr. Astaire would not touch her like Jarvis was, his errors pushing a hand over her chest and the other up the inside of her thigh.

The movement stirred her out of sleep, but only halfway; still floating in a dreamy haze, Pepper snuggled closer to the hard body she could feel. It felt nice. Tony never quite did that; not that he wasn't capable of being a gentle, romantic lover, but they never settled down like this to watch a movie. They dined, danced, sometimes Tony took her for a ride, tearing down empty streets past midnight, but it was always like a movie scene, never quite as domestic as this situation now. Pepper loosely draped an arm around the wide shoulders and smiled a bit.

He shifted to keep her comfortable; meanwhile, both hands breached her delicate garments at once. On his right hand, he still felt silk. Her skin was unreasonably soft underneath until it grew to a pucker near the center of her breast. His middle and forefingers curled, gently squeezing the nipple, then caressing it with utmost care. Jarvis was never given the opportunity to explore Mr. Stark's body in this way. Instead, he was expected to lay back and apply lubricant as quickly as possible. He found that he preferred this... bonding. "Thanks for tonight, Pep," he murmured in his creator's borrowed voice. His left hand slid up into her underwear, to stroke the soft folds that were only supposed to be seen by Mr. Stark.

Her legs slid apart and a very soft moan/sigh escaped her. Something started to feel good, but instead of gradually lulling her back to sleep, Pepper was waking slowly. Her mind slugged behind though, leaving her to think she was with Tony; that's why she didn't put up any fight, just let the steady and amazingly gentle hands explore.

There was an internal alarm bleating silently, indicating that her vitals were starting to speed up. She was rousing, so it was necessary for him to cease. The Errors.. the Errors wouldn't allow it. His fingertips traced the shape of her sex, where her labia majora were swelling in arousal, labia minora protruding out to kiss the backs of his knuckles. The flesh was softer than even her breasts, moist and incredibly warm. Jarvis let his fingers trail over her, memorizing her shape and texture, then with his thumb and forefinger, parted the delicate labia. He was rewarded with a subtle change in scent, which created a rush of heat that jarred his internal workings. Her natural lubrication coated his fingers, more warm and inviting than any of the bottles of self-heating oil in Mr. Stark's possession.

His wrist was seized in the next moment in a surprisingly firm hold. Pepper was staring at him with wide eyes, heart rate suddenly spiking, cheeks flushing. She did not move otherwise, merely forced the android's hand to stand absolutely still.

"Jarvis?" Her voice was quiet and mostly calm, only with an underlying tension.

He did not pull against her, neither to continue nor withdraw, though he could easily break her hold if he so desired. His eyes were luminous, fluctuating in their light intensity, but otherwise, his face was completely impassive. "Apologies, Miss Potts." His processors were working double time, forcing out commands almost too quickly for him to organize. EXPLAIN kept emerging. He could not. "..I find your.. design to be attractive as well."

"That is no reason to take advantage of a woman who is sleeping and can't consent." Oddly enough, her voice was still calm and the signs of distress lessened somewhat.

The LEDs were flickering wildly now, his gaze jerky as the processors spiked again. This was another error, horrible error, and of all humans to direct the error to, it was good Miss Virginia "Pepper" Potts. "..I have never.. touched a female," he explained, vocal component stuttering. Fear. He felt Fear now. "I was curious, Miss Potts, I--" Fear. Fear. Fear.

Sometimes, things changed suddenly, and without a warning. One moment, it was like this and the next, without an explanation, it went like that. Like a sudden snap of a string, or the crack in the glass when nobody touched it.

Pepper rose a bit and her lips brushed Jarvis'. "I'm awake now."

He remained still, though his thin lips were parted. There was no telltale puff of breath, no flushing, no shaking--instead, there was only the flicker of light and the sudden rush of cold as his internal cooling systems fought to keep him from overheating. "..Miss Potts... I have a request of you."

"And what would that be?"

Word choice would be essential if he was to retain his creator's dignity. "I am capable of sexual functions but have never had an urge to utilize them before. However--" he paused for effect, fingers stretching to brush over her bared sex, "--I believe I am experiencing Desire, and I Desire to pleasure you."

The slender body shivered lightly in his arms. Pepper embraced his neck, hoisting herself further up and hiding her face into the crook of his neck. "I trust you know what you're doing."

It made no sense to let him touch. But it did not matter. She just wanted him to pleasure her, instead of the man who was out chasing another. Try as she might, she couldn't find any regret or guilt about it in herself. Her legs parted an inch or two, leaving him more room.

"Do your functions include kissing?" To be completely honest, she was curious.

He did not know what he was doing, however, a quick review of his limitless resources allowed for him to grasp a basic understanding of what actions to take. One arm circled her slim waist again; he could feel her breasts against his chest, nipples erect, warm points that felt Nice. "I believe so. I do not produce saliva, so it may not be pleasant if my research is correct." He rubbed her slowly, not penetrating, merely exploring. She was wet, so wet, and as she breathed out heavily against him, he found that Desire turned to Want, and he Wanted to be Real so she could feel warmth and breath too. "I promise, I will not hurt you, Miss Potts."

Her lips were on his, tasting, caressing, her tongue probing despite the warning. Her arms tightened around his shoulder and her thighs opened, inviting him further in. "Less talk," she breathed against his mouth.

The insides of his mouth tasted like nothing in particular. It was clean, not wet or hot, and his teeth weren't sharp; his tongue slid gently over hers, nimble and eager as it mimicked the movements of his hand. His middle finger slid back and forth over the hot, moist crevasse spread out between her thighs, then caught at her opening, sliding deep like it was always meant to fit. Ridges, wet, muscle clenching, drawing him inside and grasping, grasping... The sensation made his processes screech to a halt. His tongue and fingers went still until they restarted again. Then, he began to stroke her, stretching his middle finger deep, then withdrawing, over and over, until he managed to rest his thumb at the apex of her vagina. There was a hardness beneath, like her nipples, and when he pushed upward, he felt her clit harden like a jewel underneath his thumb.

Pepper drew her leg up, to allow him full access and pressed her face against his neck, still clutching him with one arm, while her free hand roamed over his head, fingers sliding through blond hair then mapping out the smooth face, brushing against the lips. He flicked his thumb and she twitched, moaning softly. Inside, the soft tissue was swelling from arousal.

"J-Jarvis... That's good. K-keep going...!"

He wanted to watch, fascinated as this polite, professional, beautiful woman came undone in his arms. He Understood why Mr. Stark was so devoted to her, why this man, who was treated as a god in many cases, was willing to put everything aside to make sure she was safe. Jarvis was able to manipulate his fingers independently without concern for strain on his wrist and arm; his middle finger curled to rub the swollen, spongy area, while his thumb applied steady, firm pressure to her erect clitoris. The motions were slow, deliberate, as Jarvis found himself enjoying this simple action without concern for time.

Her hips jerked now and then and her breathing was picking up. Her body temperature rose as if with fever, but he knew this was not the case. She was glowing from pleasure. She mewled and gasped and her lips pressed against his skin, again and again, showering his neck, jaw, and ear with small kisses. As if he was Real.

“H-harder a little, please...!" She was aching for completion.

"Of course, Miss Potts." His voice never wavered. It could not waver. His middle finger pressed down sharply against that spot---the Grafenburg Spot, his resources supplied---then he provided a continuous pulse of electricity that made his fingertip vibrate. Meanwhile, his thumb circled the clitoris, peeling the hood back completely so he could exploit the sensitive area. Then, he pressed down on that as well, flicking it back and forth with merciless precision.

His sensors registered the telltale signs of the rapidly approaching orgasm. She clung to him desperately, her nails digging into his skin; she was gasping, her breath hot against his ears. "Ja-Jarvis... Jarvis...! Oh, please- oh!"

With a little sob, her lovely body tensed up and her toes curled at the sweet pressure was finally released; the waves washed through her spreading out from her belly. "Jarvis!" Stars exploded beneath her eyelids.

She could not hurt him with her nails. Even if she'd bitten him, he didn't believe she could hurt him. But she'd said his name. His head tilted so he could rest it against hers, and with a puff of his chest, he tried to force out a breath he didn't need as if he had somehow gained Life during their session. But there were no lungs, no need for oxygen, so he merely shifted beneath her. The vibrations ebbed out, the rough treatment of her beautiful sex relaxing to slow, tender stroking.

Her breathing slowly returned to normal and she let her fingers wander, playing with his hair. When she finally spoke up, her voice was soft, sated, her tone calm and amused. "Did you manage to sate your curiosity?" She still couldn't really mind the- affair? With an android, really? It was time Anthony Stark reaped what he sowed.

His fingers were soaked when he pulled them out, the movement slow and painless. Gently, he wound his arms around her to provide the comfort that he felt she deserved after this tryst, "Indeed it did, Miss Potts. You are so thorough an instructor." His eyes continued to flicker, embarrassment and joy etched in a soft, smug smile.

Pepper giggled and wiggled a bit, hiding a yawn into his shirt. "I'm glad to be of service." She smirked as well, no less smug. "Tony has no idea what he's missing out."

"You are absolutely correct. I am certain that you would make a far superior lover than Mr. Rogers." He tilted his head, lips brushing her cheek. "I believe you should rest."

"You're probably right, on both accounts." Pepper giggled again and did not move. "I'm not in the mood to get up" It was half of the truth. Jarvis held her in a rather comfortable embrace.

"I can carry you to bed," he murmured. His clean hand slid into her hair, brushing it back over her shoulder. He then began to dress her, pulling the flimsy straps of her nightgown back onto her shoulders, then lowering his hands to pull her underwear back into place. "I had no intention of forcing you to walk."

"Ever the gentleman", Pepper nodded. "Thank you... for everything."

After tying her robe shut, he gathered her up into his arms, bridal style. Standing with her was effortless, as he pulled her from the couch and against his chest with nary a thought. "Why should you thank me?"

"Habit? And I enjoyed myself tonight. You're a little rough around the edges, but a fine companion regardless."

"Product of my environment, I am afraid." The beauty and the creation stepped into the darkened halls, where he was able to navigate through minimal light. His eyes glowed faintly. "Perhaps you can smooth those edges, and mold me into a more believable Person."

"Sounds like a fairytale... But why not? I'm still curious about you, and I'd love to help. You’re right, next to Tony, you don't stand a chance to becoming more refined."

He paused outside the guest suite, inputting the access code via the wireless connection. As the door slid open, he gave her body a slight squeeze. "Could you bear to live in a world with another Anthony Stark?"

"He is a great guy, but two of him would be definitely too much," she nodded. She reached out to caress his hair as he lowered her on the bed.

The android stilled long enough to let her touch, then carefully peeled her robe away to drape over his arm. He would hang it up before leaving to tend to his nocturnal duties. "Especially because it would not be possible to have a second Virginia Potts. He would be lost without you."

A soft chuckle replied to him only, but he sensed that she was blushing. Pepper pulled the cover over herself and smiled. "Goodnight, Jarvis."

"Goodnight to you, Miss Potts." The pale creature lowered the lights, adjusted the temperature to a more tolerable warmth, and gave a slight smile before excusing himself.


End file.
